Those who don't know I had a total of three miscarriages. It was a tough thing to get through. Sometimes even after 4 years it still breaks me open. I wonder sometimes if I had three and had that little girl if I would still have that longing. I get really upset with these Chrisitans who push the "Natural Family Planning" thing and advocate for no BC. I am on birth control because of my PCOS. I am sorry but having had three miscarriages, one being twins and one resulting in a horrible D and C, I am not in the mood to "throw away" any more babies . That is exactly how I felt after my third. Once again, do not presume to know me or what I have been through. I still hear people say, "Well if you want another so bad just let it happen." These babies were part of me and there is still a hole where their void is. I am not in any rush to do that again.
So anyway, craving the baby smell lately and the baby fingers and the breast feeding/bonding.Doesn't help that I work in the NICU. I am so thankful for where I am and the two beautiful children I have but........will this longing ever go away?
Laurie, I know what you mean. I'd love to have as many babies as "might happen," but I also know that my issues with progesterone production means my body tries to eject my babies too early. I had one miscarriage and buried a baby who was born at 26 weeks. In all fairness to any future children and my living family, I have to recognize my medical (and financial-I am very expensive when I'm pregnant) limits and be responsible.
ReplyDeleteAs for the longing, I wish I knew.
-- your middle-school friend Sara
Its tough sometimes isn't it. I look at my girls and see how they are growing and I get that need to hold a baby again. To smell a baby again. To know that intense bond that only a momma who puts her newborn to her breast knows. And I wonder sometimes too if Taryn had been a boy would I not even think of another? But I count the blessings in every day, and two of the biggest are those two amazing little girls. So I guess I will be okay. Might be somewhat easier for me because we all know my body can't go through another pregnancy. :)
ReplyDeleteMelissa